Monday, 9 March 2015


A very long time ago, women married at the age of 15 and 16, and anyone above 20 years of age was seen as already too old to bear children and "on the shelf". These same women, if unlucky in their marriages, either stood on the sidelines and bore the pains of a bad marriage or they opted out of the marriage by committing suicide at the risk of been buried in unconsecrated ground. As the decades rolled by, and the female folks were allowed into the school rooms, the new ideal age for getting married moved to 25 years. I remember how I used to get worried about aunts who did not get hooked by age 25. Today, we have women empowerment and feminism and the new age target for getting married is 30 years and some even say above. Also, these new age women mostly have a source of income, so they can easily say to a potential husband, "be gone, I do not need you, I can take care of myself" over very trivial matters. These days, you would hardly find girls who are thinking of marriage at 20 years and if the thought does cross their minds, they have handy friends to dislodge such a "crazy" notion immediately. These friends, I guess always mean well even when their excuse for you not to get married is "we never rock life finish".

Enough of all my rantings, and on to the reason for today's post. I noticed the high rate of divorce and separations in marriages, and truthfully, it is alarming. It begs for answers to the question, "how did our parents do it?" Many of our parents have been married for over 25 - 40 years. I do not think I've ever heard my mother tell my dad that she could cater for her own needs, or rub in her family background or education. Somehow, they are able to resolve their issues amicably. It then brings me to these questions;
  • Did our parents not bring us up as well as their parents did them?
  • Did we just refuse to pay attention to their words of advice?
  • Are we too concerned with the butterflies in our stomach and "fireworks and sparks" in the name of love, than the real issues? 
  • Is it a modern generation thing? 
  • Is it because women now have jobs outside the home? 
  • Did You Get Why Married (The Reasons)?
Guess what? It does not matter what the answers to these questions are, because when a marriage is broken, it is automatically the fault of the woman (whether we like it or not). It's either she works too much, does not take care of the home, disrespects her husband, she is now fat and the list is endless. Bottomline, she has changed. She was not that way when he married her. Amazing! I often wonder if the man did not change. Something very important from my research, is that many young ladies enter into marriage with unrealistic ideas. The worst of these ideas is the "I can change him" syndrome. I actually believe that this is a possible mission, but only for the lucky 1%. Adults (men and women alike) who are usually set in their ways done change unless they consciously decide to or there is a divine invention. So ladies, if you think you can change him, think again.

Another thing is certain, most men are chauvinistic by nature and want to be on top everytime (right or wrong). By this, I have concluded that men do run the world, (don't pay any to mind that BeyoncĂ©'s song), but we color the world. I have come to realize that, even though I may not want to accept it wholeheartedly. One quick example, George Clooney remained a veritable bachelor till last year when he got married at 53 years (If you do not count his 1st marriage). He could afford to bet that he would not have kids till a certain age. This did not stop him from dating (and now marrying) hot women.Women on the other hand, would start counting how long we have till our reproductive life is over. We just do not have the luxury.

Now to the reason why I say women change after marriage, these are just a few observations I've made concerning women and marriage. 
  • We act all nice and lovely while planning to show our true colors once we have been married. It's no wonder the male folks say 'she was not like that when we were dating'. If you can not be your true self when you are with someone, why would you want to marry that person? Why try so hard to please him when you are dying to explode inside? It's no use. So, My First Rule To A Successful Marriage Is BE YOURSELF.
  • If he slaps you once a month before you marry him, be sure to start getting a daily dose once you are married. Like I said, men do not change after marriage. However, I think it should be the other way round. Men do change after marriage, majority of them for the worst. I do not know why, but I guess they also feel it's time to do whatever they want since you can almost not threaten them with a breakup. So secondly, if you know you can not tolerate a habit or behaviour when you are dating, why do you think you can live with it for the rest of your life? Do not marry a man for the wrong reason. Screen and separate the seed from the chaff before making the decision of who to marry. CHOOSE WISELY.
  • Many women are hot before they get married, then they get married and start tying wrapper at home. I mean, did he ask you out when you were shabby looking? We think we are now married, no need to dress up. I tell you solemnly, men are like babies, if you fail to keep his attention on you then he would focus it elsewhere. LOOK ALWAYS HOT !!! ...
  • My mother always says the way to a man's heart is through his belly. Well anatomical, that does not pan out, but there is some logic in it. Men love great meals. I think it's ancestral or something. COOK TASTY MEALS.
  • I listened to a song once and the singer (a man) wanted a woman who could be a lady by day and a freak by night. I laughed but it is the really we live in. A man wants a woman who can be his mother, sister, friend, wife and baby. Ladies if you would allow yourselves think about it, we too want a man who can be our daddy, brother, bestfriend, husband and child. It's just the way the world goes. BE PREPARED.
  • Why do we complain about working and doing all the house chores while he watches TV while sipping a cold beer? Find a way around it. Do not nag, do not criticize, ask for help. Find ways to involve him in some of the homework. Explain how tired you are at the end of each day. If you must criticize, then there is a formula to that - The SANDWICH. Place the criticism between 2 positive statements; Like honey, I know how hard you work to provide for me and you must be tired, but if you could just keep me company in the kitchen, help me maybe dry the plates, I'd be very happy, I miss being with you all day. BE CREATIVE
  • Now to the breaker of many homes - SEX. I know some men are what we call dogs, (no offense). They chase everything that looks like a woman. Sometimes though, it is our faults. Men are sexual creatures, so they can wake up at 2am and want to go. Women on the other hand are romantics. We want him to understand what we are not saying because we expect him to read our body language. Well, I think we better start talking and stop signaling. I know how tiring it can be to wake up way early to meet up with morning preparations, especially if you have children who need to be fed and be at school early enough. Yourself, who is a working mother and you have to come home and continue the process till midnight everyday. Sex would be the last thing on you mind (that's if it's even there). Despite these mirade of issues, try not to deprive your man of sex or he will look for a place to get it and it would only hurt you in the end. EMBRACE YOUR SEXUALITY
  • We are human beings and we are bound to disagree on issues but I have learnt that even though the violent taketh it by force, silence is golden. It is best sometimes silent and to avoid any words that could be impossible to take back once said. Also, sorry never hurt anyone. Learn to use these very important words.  SILENCE AND SORRY
  • Friends can be good, but they can also be destructive. Friends have been some known to be the destruction of many marriages, their tactics range from giving you bad advice to outrightly stealing your husband right from under your nose. Mind the kind of people you invite into your home. And on no account should you allow a 3rd party into your marriage. CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WITH CARE.
  • Lastly, not everyone is happy that somehow, in this difficult world of 7 billion people you were able to locate your missing rib. BE PRAYERFUL.
Women! We are extraordinary creatures, we may not run the world, but we make it go round and we sure do color it. Happy women's day
    Cheers ....


    1. Brilliant advise Keren, and well written. I'm sure you just helped save someones marriage with your advise.

      1. Thank you Mr. Adela. I sincerely hope it does.

    2. Well thought out... Keren I suggest you get involved in counselling intending couples. perhaps as a part of your church's counselling team or something. 99 percent of intending couples (and couples) need all you've said here.

      I will apply all you've advised especially the part that has to do with God's help and Divine intervention. After all marriage was God's idea. I think most marriages today go off the road because our generation is the 'selfie generation'.. most things are all about self. The more effort we make to put self out of the drivers seat, the more chances we have of succeeding in putting God right there. I thank you

      1. Thanks for your contribution. Quite informative. We need to be selfless indeed

    3. I beg to differ..A man changes after he gets married..

      1. Yes Anton, I said men don't change after marriage, but I went on to say that they do change. However, that majority of them get worst. Just incase you don't understand me, in the context of that paragraph, I meant that for example you don't marry an alcoholic who hasn't made up his mind to give it up with the purpose of changing him. A leopard doesn't change its spots.

    4. Several grammatical errors that make reading comprehension take a shot. A lot of this is very backwards for today's "enlightened" society. Perhaps I'm posting in a place that's meant to cater to those religious followers whom's beliefs still dictate that women are inferior to men. You're telling a woman to be silent if she is having an argument with her man. You're telling women to have sex, even if they don't want it. You're telling women to "deal with" their husband being lazy fucks in front of a tv, but being forgiving if they are that way, cause they "earn all the money". The friends bit too, if your husband is capable of leaving you for an attractive/flirtatious friend of yours, then your husband is a scumbag anyways, and to think that you could possibly keep him away from those sort of entities is entirely impossible. You seem to attack women only, and ask women to deal with a load of crap.

      1. Thank you Torenvanbaren for pointing out the grammatical errors, will sort them out asap.
        You are right about my post been very backwards for today's "enlightened" society, however, can I ask you what that same "enlightenment" must have cost hundreds of marriages? I may be religious as you've put but I better be that and save my marriage than be "enlightened" and lose it. It is written in the bible that "wives should be submissive to their husbands" in at least 3 books. It went further to tell us that our husbands are the head of the family, just as Christ is the head of the Church. You see, I used to believe in a lot of girl power (economic equality and so on), until I saw the light.
        Tell me Torenvanbaren, what is the point of arguing if you will regret what you've said later? Or worse it earns you a beating (for those married to wife beaters?) You see, it's easier said than done when you are outside a situation. For example, why do women keep going back to men who treat them wrong?
        In the African society, it is almost unheard of that the man is seen doing house chores. However, today's African society is changing, women are working and some even earn more money than their husbands. Men also, are becoming more involved in the housework (especially where there is no nanny). Some men on the other hand, are chauvinistic, (not only African men), and they prefer to be in front of the TV even if both of you walked into the house at the same time from work. I also explained how you can coerce them into doing some of the work. Let me tell you this, they can't be forced.
        There is a power in the mind that many are yet to discover. You can actually will yourself to do almost anything. About the sex bit, maybe, I came off the wrong way, but, If you think you can keep your husband on a platonic basis, Think again! Some boyfriends might tolerate that on religious or whatever grounds, but in marriage, it's a totally different game.
        Finally, a man that is capable of leaving you for you friend is definitely a scumbag. But, who gave the room for such? You should know what each of your friend is capable of. If you bring a snake into your home, you better have a machete ready to kill it.
        I'm sorry if I seem to be attacking only the women, wasn't my intention. I merely wanted to point out to us, that it's time to take some responsibility. Men may be the head of the home, but we are the neck that holds the head up. If we fall, the whole thing crumbles.

      2. Sorry, meant DO NOT LEAVE GOD OUT OF YOUR HOME!

    5. True . Very true. I am not saying women should submit to men or anything, but men are simple and have basic needs but women insist on making everything complex . The fact that women enter into marriages with false dreams and hopes is the greatest truth from all you said . Women fail to realise that no one , not even their female friends and female celebrities rarely achieves everything they dreamed of when they were young. And when they get old, women start feeling worthless. Its all because of these stupid beauty product advertisements and feminism-promoting magazines that make women feel they are special just because they are women and not because they put effort or hardwork in anything, and these same magazines make women depressed by comparing women with other women and urge them to be like beauty models, who themselves look beautiful because of photoshop and lighting and makeup. Thus , till their 30s , all women have going for them are their looks. And when those fade away and when they are forgotten by society when they become old , they become dead as a dodo in their own family and to their husbands. Some women are crazy chameleons because of their own insecurities and men and children suffer because of it. Many women marry men because they are getting old and need someone to take care of them and not because they found the guy of their dreams or to whom they are attracted to . If money and luxury and status is what you are looking for, then you haven't understood life .

      1. Thanks for your inciteful comment, appreciate your contribution

    6. Well Most women unfortunately have Changed for the Worst over the years.

    7. Well that is certainly the very Truth, especially the ones that now have their Careers today.


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