VIOLENCE AT HOME

A few times, even though I’m not a relationship expert, I’ve had course to write some articles, mostly with my sister (she’s the one into all that relationship stuff). You can check them out here, here and here. I think I know a bit of what I and most people want in relationships and what we do not. Some are just in between, since no one is ‘perfect’. So, with this intro, I’d really love your thoughts on this conversation I had with a young lady in my consulting room.

• Me: Hello, good afternoon, how are you doing?
• Lady (Ly): I’m fine doctor, thank you
• Me: So how may I help you today?
• Ly: I want to carry out some tests, no I want an x-ray done.
• Me: Okay, why do you want an x-ray and for what part of your body?
• Ly: I just want x-ray of my back and chest.
• Me: Alright, but you haven’t told me why yet. Did you fall down?
• Ly: Okay, okay, my boyfriend beat me up and I don’t have any pains or anything, I just want him to spend his money.

My jaw dropped. I didn’t quite understand her reasons, but it was nothing new to me. Countless times, I have seen women assaulted by their spouses show up in the ER with black eye, some severely injured and they still protect and defend the actions of their abusers and I can’t just wrap my head around it. Even though I haven’t seen one, I have heard of cases where men beat their partners to dead. I keep wondering why these women keep staying. Could it be desperation, financial security or what?

Please anyone, I need to know

SAY NO TO XENOPHOBIA

What?! What is all the rubbish that I hear? My ears must be deceiving me, though it has never once failed me. South Africans, what did we do to you? Why the racism against your very own brothers and sisters? This news indeed is very sad. It is heart breaking. What wrong could they have done by seeking asylum in your country? Is this xenophobia or hate for the black race, I wonder?

South Africa bleeds

The map looks crooked? Maybe that is what will become of Africa if we continue like this. We speak of being one great African nation. is that even a realistic dream? Is it possible? Citizens of SA, if your fellow South Africans were treated this way in other countries, how would you feel? Do you think that there are no South Africans in other parts of the world? There are, and they enjoy every freedom. By the way what is xenophobia? For those who don’t know;

“Xenophobia is the intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries”.

Last year I wrote this post when Nigerians were being attacked in India. I asked a few questions, stated some facts. Those facts still hold today. I blame the Nigerians for always fleeing from their country. No, I don’t blame them. Instead, I blame the Nigerian government who has made life difficult for its average citizens. They have to seek for greener pastures outside the country. These same government that has refused to implement stringent immigration rules like other countries. Hmm… I may not blame them so much, for even when life was a bit bearable, Nigerians always found their way out of the country.

Who should I blame then? Yes, I know. I’ll blame you and me, not for moving around and relocating (that’s part of human life), but for being unaccommodating. Everybody wants to lock up their borders (with good reasons too). However, we need peace. It is the only way forward.

But wait oh, is it not these same South Africans that were oppressed for so many years by the white men in the name of colonialism? I don’t see them asking the white folks to leave their country (kindly or otherwise) – no offense. Finally, maybe this is just transferred aggression.

Say no to Xenophobia, speak out loud against it. Everyone is a foreigner somewhere.

Peace.

RELIGION: THE FALL OF CHRISTIANITY

This may seem like a confusing title, maybe even a bit absurd. But, if you really think about it, then you'd know that most people are religious not Christians. I chose to use Christians because I am a Christian and I can only say what I know. So, why not continue reading and if you disagree, then you can air your views under comments. 

As usual, when I have some free time, what I do is get into an argument with my brothers. A few weeks ago, I got into one of such arguments. This time it was about the scandals that rocked  and have surrounded the religious settings (especially in Nigeria) of recent. First, it was Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor and the arms deal, then it was Pastor Chris Oyakhilome getting a divorce. Then we remembered a few more that have happened in the past (no need dwelling on those). This discussion took us on a journey to survey the manner in which churches are been run in Nigeria these days.

Nigeria, like many African nations (despite her claim to be the economic giant of Africa) has had it's own share of troubles and her citizens have faced untold hardships. As a result, many people turn to God for help, (the only positive outcome). Unfortunately, some of the religious leaders also take advantage of this situation the brain wash and exploit their followers. Among a lot of attributes, many Nigerians are lazy, ignorant and worse of all want to "arrive". We want to sit on our asses all day doing nothing but making lorry-load of cash, hence the dawn of 419ers and ritualist. Nowadays, it seems the latest niche is politics, owning a church or even a blog (that so called "since +Linda Ikeji made it, why can't we", right? - Wrong). 

The trend that seem to have taken the religious sector by storm now is the act of "sowing seeds". Literally what they are telling you is give something to God in order to receive your blessing. My question is this: "What did you give to God last night, so he can keep you alive today?". I'm not saying that giving to God is wrong, NO! It's just why would you neglect your neighbour who has been begging you for a cup of rice to feed her children, only to go and donate thousands of naira to the church so the "man of God" would notice you? A lot of people are in church today for unbelievable reasons. I had a friend who would donate her entire feeding money for the month to a fellow student pastor as seed and then start begging for food. She did it in the name of God would provide my every needs.

Because of our lazy and ignorant attitude towards life in Nigeria, you find church goers who do not want to work, but expect to hit it big. They expect to get to the top through one connection or another and then stay there doing absolutely nothing and saying God has done it for me. Many "Christians" do not bother to read their bible. They depend on what ever the pastor says. And so I find myself in a situation with a woman in labour who requires a caesarian section and she tells me "my pastor says I will deliver like a Hebrew woman". Who is a Hebrew woman? Have you or your pastor witnessed the birthing of a Hebrew woman? What does God say about delivery? Sometimes, it truly is laughable what people have in their heads.

Today, in Nigeria, we have pastors who are now celebrities, moving around in private jets and expensive cars. If you say a word, they tell you "my God is not a poor God". They have schools, up to tertiary level of education built by the sweat of their members through donations and seeds and at the end of the day, the children of such members can't afford to go to such schools. You pastor who has no scruples with collecting millions of naira from politicians as gifts or whatever, have you bothered to ask where it is coming from? Is it the taxpayers money of your members who don't have the basic amenities in their homes? A clerk gives you 1 million naira as tithe, did you ask how he came about it? 

My younger brother is one of those people who attends any church he comes across, just to understand its doctrines and beliefs. Sometimes I wonder if he hasn't been to a mosque or some other temples. He narrated this story to us. He was in a church one day and they were calling for offerings and seeds. According to him, he was just getting up to go give when the pastor said, "If you do not  give to God, his angels would stop building at your site". Instantly, he sat back down. He pictured angels wearing shorts and carrying cement and blocks to a site for him and then they turned back because he didn't give this once? He just laughed and made up his mind never to visit that church again. For many Nigerians, that pronouncement by the pastor is enough to empty their pockets without much thought for tomorrow. They say the bible says "why worry about what you'd wear or eat, doesn't your heavenly Father feed the birds of the air or cloth the lilies of the valley?". They are absolutely right, but this same bible says, "faith without works is dead".

Another friend of mine sent a broadcast of how a celebrity actor who had problems in his marriage called up a celebrity pastor for advice. They fix a date to meet and discuss they matter, and two days before the meeting, the pastor divorced his own wife. What do you think the celebrity did? He ran back to his wife with apologies. The argument ended on the note that, lack of development, insecurity, a country where nothing works is the cause of churches springing up everyday. On my street alone, (no, from the balcony of my house), I can count up to 7 churches. You do not want to know what happens on Sundays or Friday night vigils. Finally, my advice to you whether in Nigeria or not is to build your own relationship with the God you serve, because idolizing your pastor doesn't guarantee your safe passage to heaven.

Cheers....

CHECK OUT THE DILAPIDATED STATE OF ROADS IN ABIA STATE

Hey there everyone,

Yes, it's time for some serious business. This might seem like an over-flogged issue, but then, if you haven't travelled by road in Nigeria in recent times, then, you probably won't understand my pain. For many years, the citizens of Nigeria have cried out to the leaders for provision of basic amenities (good roads, potable water, electricity e.t.c.). For many years, these leaders have turned a deaf ear to the cries of the people. They have come up with promises in their manifesto during election campaigns that they never execute. As is the normal cycle, the people vote, the elections get rigged and things remain the way they are. With the advent of democracy in Nigeria, many thought things would change for the better (it did start to change), but then how far have we come in the last 15 years of democracy?

A few months ago, (during the rainy season), I travelled to the eastern part of Nigeria, (sadly I'm from there) and it was a disaster. I visited Owerri, Umuahia and Aba, for several other reasons, and I was disappointed at the state of the roads in most parts of these cities, especially Aba. For the purpose of the non-Nigerians who read my blogs, Aba is a very commercial city after Lagos and Onitsha. (Let's compare Lagos to New York, then determine the next two commercial cities in the USA - that's Aba.) Aba is so industrialized that they are able to compete with some products made by companies from outside the country. For a country like Nigeria, where the poor only gets poorer and the rich gets richer, such products afforded people the ability to get some necessary things, like clothing at an affordable price.

Entrance to the city of Aba (Osisioma junction)

Today, Aba is a shadow of itself, mostly because there are no roads. Who wants to do business in a place that they have to either soil themselves or spoil they vehicles to get to. Who wants to live in a city where you might regularly miss important appointments in the name of bad roads.  We went shopping for some items in Ariaria International market and it was an unfortunate incident. Ariaria International market is supposed to be one of the biggest markets in Nigeria. People from many parts of the country travel to Aba to get goods for sale. When we (my husband and I) got to Aba, the first thing we were told about getting to the market was that it wasn't motorable. They said, "drive to a place where you can park your car, then, look for a taxi to take you there". We thought it was an easy task until we started looking for a taxi. No one wanted to go that way, including 'keke napep' (those 3-legged cycle-like thingy). To make it worse, we were on the same road as the market but the other part of the road was so bad with lots of traffic that no one wanted to go. 

Kent road

This road leads to the general hospital

Faulks road by Okigwe road

After about 30 minutes of looking for a means of transportation to the market with no avail, we decided to try an alternative route with less traffic (MCC road). Finally got a keke napep that agreed to take us close to the market for an exorbitant amount. He charged us N1000 for something that should have cost no more than N200. The good part though, I got all these photos. We got as close as the tricycle could get to the market without capsizing, got down and walked the rest of the way to the market. A few times on the journey, I actually thought the tricycle would turn over.

As always sycophants putting up billboards of how much the governor is working

In the market, there is a very popular line (aisle), A-line, where you get almost anything you could require for daily living, (that is where we were headed). Halfway to our destination, we find a flooded road and there was nowhere to go. We were then told the only way to get to that line was to pass through another line (entrance to the line shown in the photo below), and go round. What pissed me off wasn't just the fact that I might have to waddle through the murky water to cross to the other side, but the election campaign poster hanging on the gate. People are swimming in dirty water to make ends meet and someone who had it in his power to prevent such a situation is telling them that "they'd cross the bridge when they get there come 2015". Like seriously?! Lucky for us we got another keke napep to take us across the river all the way to our final destination. The story of our journey back is much the same as getting to the market. Multiple keke drives and walking the rest of the way. At some point, I had to get my legs dirty (since I can't fly, at times like this you wish you were a ssuperhero, lol).

This is supposed to be an international market, one of the biggest in the Eastern part of Nigeria. Painfully, this is A-line.

Enough of casting all the blame on the government, we, the citizens are not helpful, throwing things on the roads expecting the government to clean up after us. As I left the east back to base, I was fuming in the bus when something caught my attention. A passenger from another bus threw a snack wrapping out of his window, I hadn't gotten the words of protest out of mouth, when the driver of my own bus threw out his empty can of malt, followed by his empty bottle of water. I guess it was Nigeria express road litter day. 

There is a part of the Onitsha - Owerri express road that has become a major dumping ground, converting a 3-lane road to 1-lane. The government provided the dump site but instead of these citizens to go in and throw their waste products, they throw everything on the roadside and begin to cry that the government has abandoned them.

Finally, what exactly does FERMA (Federal road maintenance agency) do? Because I don't see them maintaining whatever few good roads there are. People of our great country, Naija, I beg you, place your part so you can have the right to ask for more.

Cheers

NIGERIANS IN SLAVERY

Funny how we think we are free when indeed we are far from being free. Many years ago, the blacks were said to have been liberated from the shackles of slavery they were sold into. It took them another number of years to be free from segregation. Today, it is known as racism and many human rights activist are out there fighting. They are doing a good job, my case is not with them. Today, I want to talk about the typical black man, in particular, the Nigerian man. 

A few days ago, a received a message from a friend of mine. That message implied that a certain prime minister consider a certain group of people to be superior to others especially the Blacks and Arabs. (The name of the prime minister or the said group of people are not mentioned so as not to shift your focus). He went further to state that Blacks and Arabs are created to be ruled, that all they are good for is laziness, dancing, merriment and marrying many wives. After reading the message, I was livid. What the h**l did he mean by such an insult? Thank God for the wisdom of thinking before acting, because a few days later, I had to travel by road to a certain part of the country. 

I got to the park, and instantly I was angry. The environment was soooo dirty, litters everywhere. Initially, I blamed the government for not sending people to keep the place clean. Afterall, it was a government owned park, (typical Nigerian that I am). A few minutes later, I was shown the bus I was supposed to board for a 5-hour journey. Instantly, I changed my mind about the government and blamed the people, I also wanted to take my money back and go to another park. Saying the bus was dirty is like saying it was clean. Filthy would even be an understatement. The seat covering and foam padding were  even torn. Immediately, I began to wonder what kind of driver would man the steering. I wondered how it was all too easy to blame others when we haven't done our part, The next moment, a man pushed pass me, in his haste, he fell my box. As I tried to get his attention, he waved me off, he was too busy smoking and fixing the tire of the bus I was about to board. A few minutes passed, then I realized he was the driver. Lord have mercy!!!....

We had just begun the journey, (about 5 minutes into it), when his brake pad started to make some noises, everyone became agitated. Many warned him to turn around and change vehicles, others suggested that he change the brakes. When it became clear that he wasn't listening to us, some people started praying. Talking about the road conditions of Nigeria is a story brewing for another day. 

I get to my destination, home! at last. A respite from the craziness of bad roads and filthy buses. I narrated my story to my parents and told them about all the bad roads and how the governors of those states put up big billboards of themselves, announcing how much they have worked, with absolutely nothing to show for it. My dad used one word to describe it "SYCOPHANCY". He went ahead to tell of a documentary he'd watched in which many top officials who had been taken in by EFCC to by tried, showed up in court with such a huge crowd of supporters demanding their freedom. Do I need to spell out that these people have been paid to show up and garner support for the offenders? 

What these people don't know is that they have sold their rights for a bag of rice, just like Esau sold his for food. They sold it for some cash that they haven't been trained to invest properly, just like their ancestors sold their brothers into slavery for things of western invention like mirrors and bicycles. They have succeeded in selling the bright future of their children and grandchildren, because if it was going to take 10 years to eliminate corruption, it would now take a generation. What values would they instill in their children? And the vicious cycle continues. Nigerians can boast of having the latest cars and phones, can we boast of making one? I don't mean coupling one. 

Everyday, our youths are looking for a way out of the country. You only need to visit an embassy (anyone, even the ones to war-zones) to see the crowd. They think the grass is greener on the other side because the people have made it so. Seriously, I don't blame anyone of them. It is terrible living in a society where you have little or no say in the way things are run by the government, and almost no hope for tomorrow. Many years ago, the white man paid to take the black man over to their country to work and transported them free of charge. The problem was in the treatment of the people. Today, the black man works all his life to pay the white man and grovel to be allowed into their country no matter the type of job offer, and then they pay a lot to transport themselves. They might even get deported after all these wahala.  Do you see much difference?

That day, a few days ago, my father called it sycophancy, but today, I say it is SLAVERY. We think we are free because we managed to get independence from the colonial masters. Again I ask, "are we really free?" Yes, we may not be bound hand and feet by chains and physical restraints, but psychologically, we are still enslaved by the colonial masters we claim to be rid off and especially by ourselves. We speak many different languages in Nigeria, but have you realized that we do not have our own alphabets? Our language is coined from the English alphabets. Think again, are we truly liberated? So I say, until we have conquered ourselves, we cannot really be free.

Cheers.....