Saturday, 2 November 2013


This is a continuation of the relationship topics; making your relationship work and before you say I do, which I started writing on a few weeks back. I chose a heading that coincidentally is the title of a black-American movie I watched. I also chose this topic so we individually can ask ourselves the question;
This question help us to put into perspective the reasons for having a relationship and working hard at it. I'll be writing this article again with my younger sister - +Cynthia Amaechi, she wrote the last one (before you say I do) with me too. I also got some info from my senior colleague - Dr. T.C. Ozoko

Working at your relationship doesn't have to be so difficult as a lot of people believe, it is also not a walk-over. The most important thing to realize is that every individual is made in a different way and they are unique in their own sense of the word. With this little bit of information, you find that you can't treat everyone the same way and you also can't expect the same types of reactions from them. Take a good look at yourself for instance, your habits and behaviour and ask yourself this question " Would I like me for who I am if I were someone else?" Be sincere with your answers and score yourself. If you realize you need some work then go ahead and fix them. Take me for example, I had severe anger issues but I'm working seriously on it and finding that I'm maturing in the process.

Some major issues come up after you get married, sometimes things you never discussed before the nuptials, things you just assumed will fall into place or assumed was the responsibility of the other person while that partner may have his/her own thoughts on the matter. To "ASSUME" they say makes an "ASS" of "U" and "ME". At this point, we've gotten beyond the point of whether love exist between both of you. However, sometimes love is not enough, hence you need to really work to make to your relationship work. Of these many issues a few come uppermost in m mind
  • Finance: who bears the grunt of providing for the family? Without thought it is decided that it is the man, afterall he is the man of the house regardless of whether the woman earns more. What I have learnt very recently is this; both of the parties involved are responsible for the financial stability of a home. This theory is even supported by my bible in 1st Timothy 5:8 states that "Anyone who neglects to care for family members in need repudiates the faith. That's worse than refusing to believe in the first place." If you notice it said "ANYONE" not "ANY MAN". There was no reference to gender. Money doesn't belong to only one person in the family - man or woman. No, it belongs to both of them. Pull the income together, remove your expenditure for the month and save the rest. Guys this doesn't give you the right to take the lady for granted. If you lose her trust, it might be difficult to regain.
  • Second main issue is the matter of sex! yes I said it. Many couples seem to not be able to get enough of each other before they say "I do", then they get married and all of a sudden, they are always too tired to get their groove on. Women are the worse for this and sometimes you can't blame them. If it's not work stress, then it's house stress or the children. To avoid such excuses, try to help your spouses out with house chores so they aren't worn out at the end of the day. Also spice it up! Go on date nights and all. Relive your prenuptial periods e.t.c.
  • Hot on the heels of sex is the issue of infidelity. It is the killer of trust and most marriages. While men can claim that they can have sex with many women and not get attached emotionally, so their spouses should relax. They claim to have a polygamous nature and it's not their fault. You haven't seen them react to just a tiny smile given to another male by their wives. It is unbelievable. My theory, If you don't want someone to treat you a certain way, then don't do it to them. 

  • Be independent: be single while married some prominent people have said including Myles Munroe and Michelle Obama and I strongly agree. Don't rely extensively on your spouse, you'll put too much pressure on him/her. Be your own person, be confident and comfortable in your own skin. Allow your spouse to be free to express themselves. They grow better and reach their full potentials that way. Give each other space to think and breathe.
  • Trust: trust your partner and make them trust you. Have a united front so that gossip doesn't filter in. Work with evidence, not hearsay. You must be honest and transparent with each other. Trust each other enough to make yourselves next of kin. In many parts of Africa, women are still looked at as the lower species and you find situations in which the widow of a rich man suffers after his demise because he made a brother or cousin his next of kin.
  • Communicate: No matter how strong your telepathic powers are, unless you can actually hear a person's thoughts like superman, then you don't know what they are thinking and they surely don't know yours. Let your views and opinions be known. So there is no excuse of ignorance.
  • Guys protect your heart and emotions against temptations, if a woman toiled with you for many many years when you were a nobody and then you become successful and decide that it's time to chase all those other girls giving you the eye, think again they are just eyeing your brand new fat wallet. The rich ones (girls) want to spend your money infact they all want to spend your money but in different ways. The poor ones are looking for a way up and you are just a step in their ladder on their ascent. They both destroy your home. Same goes for you too ladies.
Finally some brief tips:
  • A family that prays together, stays together.
  • Fall in love with each other over and over and over again.
  • Be happy.
  • The basis for any human relationship is love not blood, remember the story of Cain and Abel?
  • Don't try to change anybody: there is no perfect individual, love your partner perfectly because he/she might even change and not always for the better after marriage.
  • The past is the past, let it remain in the past and forget about it.
  • Learn to forgive each other and move on. It's a must!
  • Constructive criticism for the purpose of growth is always better than harsh criticism to put one down. For instance instead of using insulting words and comparing with other people, use encouraging words.
  • The purpose of argument should not be victory but progress.
  • Life is like a disco, no matter how the music changes, just keep dancing.
  • Don't make any important decisions when you are 
    • Angry
    • Confused
    • Overjoyed or
    • Haven't explored all other options
  • Lastly, after all said and done, If someone doesn't want you in their lives, you can't force them to stay. Let them go.


  1. Welldone,Keren! I like the article.

  2. I like the article,my argument is with the issue of next of kin,I believe that I a man can't put his wife's name as next of kin,the Woman might have acted in ways that suggest she isn't worth it or vice versa,if there was true love and trust,that shouldn't be an issue at all...some people marry especially in africa because of sociocultural status....UMELE

    1. Umele, You've spoken like a true African man. Lol. Thanks for the contribution

  3. This article is so true! An article that got my attention completely, an article that every couple in need.... Its not by looking for greener pastures,the grass remains green when u water it..what u love to see outside u can see it in ur partner it all depend on you! Thank u Keren and Cynthia for this may God bless you as u keep reaching out to people....Amen!

    1. Thank you so much Chinita for your enthusiastic response. God bless you too.


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