Sunday, 26 April 2015

VIOLENCE AT HOME


A few times, even though I’m not a relationship expert, I’ve had course to write some articles, mostly with my sister (she’s the one into all that relationship stuff). You can check them out here, here and here. I think I know a bit of what I and most people want in relationships and what we do not. Some are just in between, since no one is ‘perfect’. So, with this intro, I’d really love your thoughts on this conversation I had with a young lady in my consulting room.


  • Me: Hello, good afternoon, how are you doing?
  • Lady (Ly): I’m fine doctor, thank you
  • Me: So how may I help you today?
  • Ly: I want to carry out some tests, no I want an x-ray done.
  • Me: Okay, why do you want an x-ray and for what part of your body?
  • Ly: I just want x-ray of my back and chest.
  • Me: Alright, but you haven’t told me why yet. Did you fall down?
  • Ly: Okay, okay, my boyfriend beat me up and I don’t have any pains or anything, I just want him to spend his money.

My jaw dropped. I didn’t quite understand her reasons, but it was nothing new to me. Countless times, I have seen women assaulted by their spouses show up in the ER with black eye, some severely injured and they still protect and defend the actions of their abusers and I can’t just wrap my head around it. Even though I haven’t seen one, I have heard of cases where men beat their partners to dead. I keep wondering why these women keep staying. Could it be desperation, financial security or what?

Please anyone, I need to know

15 comments:

  1. I can think of so many reasons. What you mentioned are valid too. I'd also say because of denial, the hope that the situation would soon change, shame or guilt that could be brought by discombobulated thinking.

    I just hope domestic violence would end soon. It won't until the victims keep coming back to their abusers though.

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    1. I sure hope it comes to an end too soon.

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  2. I am not a relationship expert myself, but I don't think it comes down to any one reason. There's the desperation and financial security like you said, and then there's guilt, because let's face it, there is never smoke without fire. That said, I do not condone any form of domestic violence, and any man prone to such should seriously look into taking some anger management classes.

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    1. Guilt could be a reason, but I'm wondering what anyone would be feeling guilty about to endure constant beating

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  3. The solution is to only marry a God fearing man, and to be a woman who fears God. Keep the laws of Almighty God in the home and their should be love and respect in abundance. Domestic violence is a tool of the devil for ruining lives.

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    1. To be God fearing and marry a God fearing person is great. However, I think love and respect is key because I've seen 'Christians' who also beat up their wives.

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    2. This sounds a home where someone is not keeping to the book. I'm against divorce, however before I would lay a hand on my wife I would divorce her. A godly man is in total submission to Almighty God and a godly woman is in total submission to her godly husband.

      One of the most beautiful passages in the Holy Bible Ephesians 5:22-33 should be read at every wedding, and reviewed with each wedding anniversary:

      Ephesians 5:22-33New International Version (NIV)

      22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

      25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

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  4. I think there can be a whole host of reasons. There's probably an element of fear, knowing that if you attempt to leave and are found out, the repercussions could be even worse than usual.

    Also a sense of thinking that it's just that one time (and that other time, and that other time, and that other time) but he was stressed, he's had a bad time at work, he's not been well. In other words, making excuses and making yourself believe that things aren't that bad.

    And perhaps getting into a routine of things. You're so used to something that you can't really imagine it being any other way. I suppose some victims just get so run down that they believe that they deserve it, if they were a better person it wouldn't happen, that they never used to be like that so it must be something they've done.

    What an awful situation to find yourself in.

    This isn’t so much of a ‘Weekly Rundown’ today, more of a Saturday Rundown, since it’s pretty much all about our trip to Oban yesterday as a sort of pre-birthday treat for me.

    Goodies we bought in Oban

    Talking about Oban

    Other Oban stuff

    You might notice that this week there are fewer posts going up on the blog. That’s because last week was the last post in my A Series of Unfortunate Events Chapter-by-Chapter reviews. I have been posting these four afternoons a week (with a bonus post on Fridays) for several months now, so it feels a little weird not to be doing them at the moment.

    It’s not the end of the Chapter-by-Chapter posts though. I’m gearing up to start sharing my progress through Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. That’s going to be interesting. But before I start that, I’ve got a wrap up post on A Series of Unfortunate Events going up this Friday.

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    Replies
    1. True, very true indeed. I can't understand it when they make these excuses sometimes. But counselling may help to change their mind.

      Will keeping visiting your blog for the chapter by chapter posts.

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  5. Am not actually an expert but what ever it is must be very strong and I think its LOVE

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    Replies
    1. Love is always the reason, but love without mutual respect is just... should I say stupid?

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  6. Actually violence starts at home and effects to the whole society. And if our living society is affected worsely then how one can be safe either at home or in the society.

    Mohinder Paul Verma
    http://blogingfunda.blogspot.in

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  7. Probably pressure, shame, and self-delusion aided by media (and a mix of all those other things). Abusive spouses of either sex are usually master manipulators as well. Very sad...
    Also interesting that she decided to get back at him through his money!

    @TarkabarkaHolgy from
    Multicolored Diary - Epics from A to Z
    MopDog - 26 Ways to Die in Medieval Hungary

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    Replies
    1. It's a sad situation, but her decision is quite interesting.

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