FUEL CRISIS IN NIGERIA

Hello everyone,

I know it's been a while and it seems like I abandoned ship for almost one month now, however, I just have to take a break from blogging after the month long blogging challenge I got into for April. I never realized how tasking it would be. The reason for my sudden reappearance is nothing else but vent out my frustration. (Blogging helps me do that sometimes). Also, it wouldn't seem right to me if for the first time in my life, I was actively involved in Nigerian politics/electoral process and didn't see it through to the end. In other words, my reappearance is like a teaser. Kpele.

To start off, let's take a look at the nation 4 days to the handover ceremony. A picture is more than a thousand words and as such here is one such photo.

This is my city from my balcony. That little light is powered by a generator.

In the last 24 hours, many corporate bodies have issued warnings of an inability to function optimally should the current crisis continue. (photos of such warnings can be seen below). Some radio stations have shut down operations till further notice and so on.

Normally, I would have analyzed the whole situation for you,. How PDP is accusing APC (the incoming government) is sabotaging everything. How the so called transition committee is refusing to transition properly and waiting till May 28th, a day to the handing over, (who does that by the way). How people somehow want to blame Buhari the president elect for not handling this problems very well and even having to grant an interview where he said he doesn't believe in the subsidy (something he has always said by the way). Normally, I'd even write on how an oil producing country like Nigeria shouldn't have fuel crisis as one of its major problems at all.

No, none of that today. Today, I give you funny photos which Nigerians have used as a source of comic relief. Something I now realize has become a part of Nigerians when faced with stressful, near impossible situations. We did the same thing with Ebola, remember? Enjoy!

This is what the filling stations that have fuel look like these days

We got lucky though and the strikes, (plenty of them going on at the same time) have been called off. Hopefully, we look forward to a better and brighter future.

Cheers... 

NIGERIANS AWAIT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION RESULTS

Finally! The elections havecome and gone *phew*. Jega and the INEC (independent electoral body) are busy collating the results while Nigerians have their hearts in their throats. So far, nobody knows whih way it will swing. Especially not when Jega gets up every 1 hour, to take an almost 6 hours recess, after reading results for less than 10 states.  I wonder if he is pregnant. Anyway, so that we don't die from hypertension before the end of the collations, some very talented Nigerians decided to ease off some of the tension. Check out what they have done.

One thing is certain though, come tomorrow, there will emerge a victor. I'd love to encourage you to spread word of peace no matter the outcome. #votenotfight

Cheers......

TITLE HOLDERS

"Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are". I am sure this is a saying we've either heard of or are familiar with. Well I have decided to change it up a bit for the purpose of this post. I have changed it to "show me a Nigerian and I will show you a titled man".  A very long time ago, (maybe at the beginning of time), everybody had one title. MR - if you are a man, MRS - if you are a married woman and MISS - for the single ladies. Later on, SIR came into the picture. I don't know when exactly but I think the English started it when they started dubbing men, knights in respect for "heroic" works done. With the advent of education and higher learning, came DR for doctors (medical and academic) and PROF for professors. With this, you realize that on most forms you fill out, you find such titles as "Mr." "Mrs." or "Miss". Occasionally, you may find "Dr." or "Prof" Or even "others".

Later on, more titles started coming up like "Chief" (usually for the rich). Also, the title "Barr" came on board and it seemed like people were starting to earn titles by studying books, for example doctors, barristers and professors cited above. It is my guess that suddenly, it dawned on Nigerians that the easiest ways to get a title was to go to school since majority of Nigerians aren't rich enough to get the "Chief" or "Sir" titles.

I had 3 experiences that became eyeopeners, and brought me to the realization that Nigerians do love their titles. I wondered why there was so much craze for owning a title and found out that having a title before your name, seemed to confer a certain degree of respect to the bearer. Who else loves the idea of "bigmanism" more than Nigerians? Nobody. It is normal to seek to get to the top, as those at the top seem to have everything at their beck and call, however, trying to get to the top at whatever means necessary is really unhealthy. Now to my experiences;

• I know a young barrister who was aspiring to be in the state house of assembly. One day, during the course of a discussion, I called him "honorable", immediately, he corrected me, He said my name is not honorable. Then I said okay, "barrister". Again, he said; "my name is not barrister, I am Tony Ajayi" (changed names for anonymousity sake). He went further to say that the most he could do was to add "esq" after writing out hisame. I was astounded but impressed. I think it was the first time I saw a person not want to identify with a title he had achieved. At least I know that in Nigeria, all our senators, honorable e.t.c. (whether in or out of office) retain their titles. They say "once a senator, always a senator" as if it's a chieftaincy title. 

• 2nd experience: I received a business card from an accountant friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a long while. I pocketed it and carried on with my work. Later in the day, I withdrew the card with the aim of saving the number in my phone (since I could easily misplace the card). What I saw made me burst out laughing. Just before his name was the abbreviation "acc". So his title and name is Accountant John Smith (name also anonymous), just like they have Prof. Udih or something. I paid more attention to business card from that day and I have seen many titles (recognized and unrecognized) e.g. "arc" for architect, "pharm" for pharmacist, "engr" for engineer and the list goes on and on and on. Infact, I'm beginning to think that very soon we would have people with the "blg" prefix to their names for blogger or will it be bloggist as my friends fondly call me. Lol.

• 3rd experience: Very humbling this one. Was watching the news when I heard the newscaster called Barrack Obama by "Mr". My jaw literally dropped. I mean Obasanjo is still referred to as former president Olusegun Obasanjo. However, the more I thought about it, the more it dawned on me that indeed he is a "Mr" president or not. It was then I decided to pick the brains of my ever arguing brothers and they confirmed that Nigerians do love titles and anyone at that. It doesn't matter how it is spelt, whether it makes sense or not, they just have to have it.

I believe we should stop looking for shortcuts to worthiness. Aim to be respected for who you are and not what you are or think you are.

Hope you had fun reading this,
Cheers

"V" IS FOR VALENTINE NOT VOTING

Once again, we’ve gone full circle and the Valentine’s Day is upon us, just 3 days to go and all the shops are spotting decor in red (a week ago, I didn't see those decor). These days, Valentine’s Day has been converted from its original meaning to a day shared by lovers. I think the aim was initially to show an act of love to someone. Anyway, this year in Nigeria, the Valentine’s Day was almost ruined for many by the now postponed elections. Prior to the postponement of the elections, I have it in mind to write on this particular post, but with the keywords reversed (nothing spoil sha).

If the elections had taken place, valentine's day would have been in the shadows. Phew!

Last year, I wrote on Valentine’s Day jokes, since I simply didn’t want to join the multitude of people writing on love like it’s a new discovery. I went ahead to collect and publish some very funny anti-valentines photos. It was fun! So this year, I thought I would write something about how the election exercise ruined the fun day, even had a popular photo to share, (I believe I’d still share that photo and the ones that came out after the elections were postponed). So, unfortunately, the elections were postponed and I have to come up with something original, (both in writing and asin getting a gift for my better half).

Talking about my better half, last Valentine’s Day, I wasn’t married (was preparing for the wedding), so I told him it would be better to save to money spent on gifts and instead added to the wedding plans. He ageed, but went ahead to surprise me with a lovely gift. This year, I intend to outdo him, only I have no idea what to get. Women in general seem to have run out of ideas for valentine's presents, the moment men said they were no longer interested in boxers, singlets, cufflinks and ties. Haba what else is left to buy now? Lol, just kidding. But seriously, I think I have exhausted whatever options men left as a choice of gifts, (maybe not). So, I just come out and ask for your suggestions. You can leave it in the comment box below.

Also, I just can't help but share some of these election and valentine photos with you. Just something to make you laugh a bit.

Make sure to have lots of fun,  partner or not, (roasting or not).

Cheers....

A LITTLE LAUGHTER NEVER HURTS

Okay, Okay, enough with the campaigns and intense conversations. I know the elections are just around the corner, but I still think we need to take a breather before we develop one health issue or another over such a thing as Nigerian elections. Afterall, I'm here turning my moi-moi to cake instead of waiting for the national cake. Laughter actually has some health benefits, but incase you are in doubt, read it here. Earlier today, I read a personal message from a blackberry friend of mine and it really did make me *lmao*. It was a simple thing as “pidgin” English (bad English). All it said was something like “19gbidigbidi no date”. Now if you’ve lived in Nigeria, and also, the Niger-delta region to be precise, then you would totally understand what I mean.

Inspired by that singular phrase, (if it can be called one), I decided to go back memory lane to the days when phonetics hadn’t overtaken the pidgin English. And we didn't have people infusing the letter "l" into every word to make it sound American.  You may have heard of "yels". Like it or not Nigerians, pidgin English is the one language that unites us. It is one that the Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba, Bini, Igalla, Ijaw, Itsekiri man understands and can speak fluently albeit different accents and styles. So, let’s go back to when pidgin was still pidgin.

*The conc. pidgin are highlighted in red

• This thing dey sono me (pronounced saw-nor)
• Kukuma dey go na
• E dey my doormot
• Comot for poto-poto  (pronounced pot tor- por tor)
• Chuku chuku dey there

In pidgin English, we also have a way of saying things repeatedly twice. Usually, this is done for emphasis,  I think. For example;

• True true
• Ye-ye
• Mu-mu
• Shaky shaky
• Jedi jedi
• Waka waka
• So so
• Lai lai
• Lie lie

These are just a few I could get down in a hurry. The list is endless; you can join in on the fun and add yours in the comment section below.

Owiedo kpataki! Urhobo wado!

1. Over and out!

READ THIS UNBELIEVABLE BLOG POST!

Today, I thought I'd share something funny with you. It actually occurred to me when I was trying to comment on someone's blog post.  I was typing on my tab and most times it displays best options for me to pick from. So, I'm typing and about to choose the last word, but the best options displayed don't fit in and aren't remotely related. (Happens a lot.) Then,  a silly thought crossed my mind, "What if I just wing it and allow the tab have it's way. I'll start typing something, then, go with one of the best options displayed.  So let's go have some fun this Monday morning. (I know many people don't like Mondays, I hope this makes your day lighter and bearable.) Let's see what this tab has saved up over months of blogging.

Women may experience heavy and irregular menstruation. It's primary hosts are animals like apes, monkeys, fruit bats, even antelopes and porcupines. Transmission from animals to man is also via contact, by handling these animals dead or alive. Prevention is by proper hand washing with soap and water. The reason for that answer was this one. To be honest, I have a bit of a SIN CITY comic book. Although he was fun to read about I couldn't help thinking he was just a mere display of testosterone and machismo. READ MORE AT the moment. The reason for that answer was this morning. I have introduced a new one. To be honest, I have a bit of a mountain bike trails and the streets of the King of the Crown Estate is a big fan. The only way to get the best when it comes to emergency response. In fact, I really don't think we know the meaning of the words emergency preparation. Remember the floods of the book such as rage, fear, bravery, pride and death. The Ebola virus, it follows the adventures of course. This has been the case until recent events began to make be doubt the authenticity of the Crown of the King. I will be fine and they don't want to wear a bra with the health sector as poor as it is, their hands are tied up with the cab driver and passenger seat for the fear amongst Nigerians when the time of take off the plane and I'm not sure if you are in Nigeria. 

Well, that's it.  I'm tired, hope you enjoyed it though.  You can try it out, use it to ease off and take off some of the streets, sorry stress. Lol.

Have a great day.

Cheers....

THE NIGERIAN FACTOR: ANSWERING QUESTIONS WITH QUESTIONS

Hey guys,

I have a funny gist to share with you today. (I hope these recent posts doesn't make me a jester, LOL). Anyway, so I was gisting with a colleague of mine some days ago and she told me that it is only Nigerians that answer questions with questions. I didn't quite catch her meaning until she told me the story I'm about to share with you and I actually listened to myself and people around me communicate.

The story went like this: 

A white man was planning to travel to Nigeria, and he was informed by his friends that Nigerians answer almost every question with a question. (I guess he didn't believe it). He set out to find out if it was really true. (That research didn't last a day). He got to Nigeria, saw a Nigerian and asked, "Is it true that Nigerians answer questions with questions?" He got this reply: "Who told you?" He kindly thanked the fellow and walked away. He already got his answer.

Shortly after I heard that story, I began to pay more attention to how conversations are carried out in Nigeria. For example, I am guilty as charged. Below are a few of my experiences;

Last week, I went for a party, and typically, there was a mad rush for food. A friend of mine approached me and asked: "won't you go and collect your food?" My response was "Am I crazy?" She understood and walked away laughing. She obviously translated it to mean I can't be caught in that kind of situation. (She was right).

Today, my brother asked me |Do you want to buy hangers?" My reply was "For what now?" It is just too funny. Right now I think it is only in Nigeria that people carry out full conversations mainly by asking questions and deducing the meaning themselves. In fact, maybe rhetorical questions were made for us.

Normally, I would go into writing so much on the reason for this behaviour, but I think it also makes us unique in our own way. The truth though is that many Nigerians don't trust anyone, so before they give you an answer, they like to know your reasons for asking the question. I don't think that's such a bad thing or is it?

Let me know what you think..

Cheers guys.....

INTERESTING STUDENT ANSWERS

Hello everyone!

Sorry I've been away for sometime. Had a little technical (internet) difficulty. It just refused to connect. had to go to the offices of those in charge to reset it, plus I had presentation issues to sort out at work. So to the gist of today. Today is the Nigerian independence day, and many citizens have got mixed feelings. Some don't know whether to celebrate or not, while others asked for a reason to celebrate. I, on the other hand, just want to put a smile on your face, independence or no. 

Earlier today, I was joking around with words, and I asked the question, "who decides what word is wrong and which is right?" Why should the plural of "chief" be "chiefs" and that of "thief" be "thieves"? Afterall, they are almost the same spelling, and they are both nouns. Again, why should some words not have direct past tense? Why should the past tense of some words end with the suffix -ed and others be a totally different word. For example, the past of "catch" or "cut" looks exactly like the past tense of "teach" but for a single alphabet, meanwhile, the primary words don't look alike in anyway or belong to same group. I went on to form some words of mine. Like, the past tense of "off" should be "offed" and the plural form should be "offs". LOL!!!

This now brings me to the final gist. I've been gathering some hilarious teacher-student test results/responses; Have a look and ROTFL. Cheers....

So guys, take the edge off and relax! Laugh off the midweek stress. Don't forget,laughter has its benefits. 

Adios

#BRINGBACKOURBOYS - THE SUPER EAGLES. LOL!!!

Hello everyone,

Yep, Nigeria is out of the world cup and Nigerians are pissed and I'm just having fun with it like many other Nigerians. I just had to wait a little longer to get almost everyone's reaction to the news before posting this blog. I had a similar post out here when they lost their very first match in the tournament. You can only now imagine what happened after we lost out to France. I started gathering pictures from Facebook and Blackberry DPs. Take a look. I think the most hate went to Mikel Obi and Joseph Yobo (he scored the own goal). Lots of love went to Vincent Enyeama, the goal keeper and Osawe Odemwingie. 

Some comments followed but I can only remember the one below;

• To achieve your Own Goal, text 'YOBO' to 3074.
• After their return from Brazil world cup, the Super Eagles were so ashamed of their defeat that they decided to disguise themselves so as not to be recognized. Mikel disguised himself as a monk and was walking on the street when suddenly an old lady walked up to him and said "Mikel how far na?" Mikel was so surprised that he ran away, annoyed that the old woman could recognize him despite his disguise. Disappointed, he went home and dressed as a pregnant woman. Again, he bumped into the same old lady and she said, "Mikel how far na? see as you just run the other day". Confused and frustrated, Mikel asked "but mama, how do you keep recognizing me despite my disguises?" The old lady replied, "Hahahahaha, Mikel na wa for you oh, look me well na, It's me Yobo".
• Slow bank: another name for First bank! that elephant should be a snail or better still, Mikel Obi's face.

Another Friend doing it the Juju way.

My friend getting drunk to drown out her misery

Anyway, Welcome home Eagles, better luck next time. Make sure you train better and no coach confusion pleaseeeee......

Until later, Bye Guys

THE SUPER EAGLES HAVE DONE IT!

Hello everyone,

This post should be a sad one, but as with everything else that Nigerians do, they just make a joke out of it. So the world cup has begun and the whole #bringbackourgirls campaign slowly died down as the fever of the world cup took over. Teams have played, some won while others lost. Then the Nigerian team showed and drew with the Iranians. After I finished partially watching the match (partially because it was my hubby who was actually, watching, jumping and running commentary while I listened), I opened my facebook page and checked out blackberry updates and here's what I found;

• Abeg Nigeria don score for anybody TV? Na still 0:0 for my own oh! I no know if my TV dey hang. - This I got by the 2nd half of the match
• The hashtag #bringbackourboys started trending (even on photos)
• This particular post was very long, so here's the link : #BringBackOurBoys http://wp.me/p3IN2v-5G via @NdubisiObasi

• Rubbish team, rubbish boiz.... Waste of dp and status.... mscheww *angry smiley* Ghana wud make me proud. (Unfortunately, Ghana lost their game too. Guess she's depressed right now).
• What a complete waste of my time - 2 hours! arrrgghhhh
• Bokoharam 0 - Alqeada 0 (This actually means Nigeria -0: Iran- 0
• Revealed! No goal for Nigeria in this world cup- by goal line technology
• Even NEPA don vex. (Looks like power went out in that part of the country)
• Nigeria na only una waka come? Wat about the goals, goals to tell us dat you trained 4 dis tournament? Do you come with any? You were not informed too? Ok, continue... Now FIFA is calling u 2 come, dat they will help u find the missing goal, will u keep quiet?! Chai, chai, dia ris God o, there is God in anything dat you are doing! Those goals dat others are sharing in Brazil will answer. Diariz God oo, diariz God oo. (This was my absolute best! When I read it, I swear if I wasn't sitting down, I would have fallen down and rolled over. It was a perfect imitation of the first ladies outburst to the kidnapped chibok girls).
• As usual, the permutation starts; If Argentina and Bosnia beat Iran while Nigeria beat Bosnia and draw with Argentina, we will still qualify. Haba Naija, when will we get tired and do things well. Always seeing hope where there is no hope.
• Psychological trauma, watsed time, money wasted on fuel, delaying my supper. What else caxn I add cos I sincerely feel like suing Keshi and his creeping ducklings.
• Though we all knew this before the match, it's safe to say we are in no Fashion or Form advancing to the knockout stage. Might as well cross Nigeria out.
• African Champions my left h***y n***h. Our under 17 boys would have done way better! Keshi is nota tactically good coach and we have overrated players. We were lucky at the nations cup and let us understand that we must get a playing pattern to win at the big stage. Anyways, let's pray we qualify for 2018 world cup.
• And Steven Keshi has the guts to socialize with Carlos Queiroz??? As for Mikel Obi, I can't deal, 7 seconds o the ball at some point and literally just stood there.... Super Eagles might as well start packing their bags and head home! On to the next one....
• Two horrible teams make for horrible soccer.... you can't cheat life. LOL
• This match was fixed! (I don't understand this one).
• This same mouth wey una dey take run Keshi and the boyz down na em una go take praise them soon, cos Iran go draw with Argentina and Bosnia... we go beat Bosnia and draw Argentina..... That was how this world cup matches were fixed last year December in Malaysia.
• Some presenters at a radio station said nobody should eat "draw" (okro or ogbono) soup for the next one week' so the team doesn't come out with a draw n their next match.

Some people eventually got pissed on the backlash on the footballers and had these to say;

• But really, let's be honest with ourselves. Isn't the performance of the super Eagles a reflection of the mediocrity of the average Nigerian? How many of our doctors, lawyers, engineers, e.t.c. can compete with their counterparts in developed countries? So why are we expecting magic from Footballers and their coaches? (This right here, I don't really agree with. I mean our major problem with healthcare in Nigeria is lack of proper equipment mostly). Education has the most problems. Yep! I guess I'm bias.
• Naija... we are really short fused as a people going by posts on the social media. Just a game and everyone is going ballistics on the super Eagles without any objectivity. It says a lot about us and our approach to even more serious issues including Nationhood. We need to learn patience,restraint, perception, strategic long term planning, analytical decision making and objectivity. Let's be less spontaneous, irrational, egoistic and unrealistic. #upsupereagles... (I like this one and it's very true).

Well, I'm tired of laughing and have to go to bed. Hope this cheers you up a bit. (I nor write any one oh!)

See ya!

VALENTINE'S DAY JOKES

Hello everyone, 

The valentine's day celebrations are just around the corner. Usually, I don't hear much about valentine's day until the month changes over to February 1st, then it becomes the new national anthem. The only thing that people seem to want to talk about and all they seem to look towards until it passes.  This year though, it's a bit different. I don't know if it's because I started blogging and became more aware of my environment or something else. Everyone seems to have started talking about valentine's day since the 3rd week of January, even the radio stations. Bloggers are busy blogging about DIY projects for occasion, just like the Christmas and New year holiday seasons. Others are blogging about the best valentine's day present to give. Some people have blogged and talked about looking for love, asked if we've lost love and where it can be found. So as not to bore you with the same kind of stuff, I decided to try something different. In this post, I have collected and put together some valentine's day jokes and photos put up by Nigerians on different social media. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

• The book of February 2:14 "And it shall come to pass that on Val's day, excuses shall arise: flat batteries, BIS expired, DP refused to change, my boss selected me for the trip, traffic jam e.t.c. When thou seeth these signs, be calm and know that surely, thou art not thy boo's boo. Thou art a learner!!!!....
• St. Valentine died for love, Romeo also died for love, Jack in titanic died for love. Samson in the Bible died for love, Greek heroes: Hercules and Archilles died for love..... Even our Lord Jesus Christ died for love!  Where are the women? Don't buy any woman a valentine's gift until she gives you at least 5 names of women who died for love. 
• Guys, surprise your girlfriend this valentine's day. Introduce her to your wife. 
• Putting on red and white on Val's day will only make you look like an unknown capsule. Why not try colors like red and yellow, at least you'll look like tetracycline
• Happy are those whose boo's birthday is on the 14th of February, for they shall use one stone to kill two birds. (By moi)

Some other people are just simply anti-love, they want absolutely nothing to do with valentine's day. They probably have their reasons. These people had the pictures below on their profiles. 

(Cupid is dead, and the cat killed it. Who let the cat out of the bag anyway?)

It's raining love today, I don't want to get soaked by it

Love is in the air, and see how he's fighting it. He doesn't want to inhale it so he doesn't get inflicted

Well guys this is the end of my post. Leave your own valentine's day jokes. Happy New week and happy valentine's day in advance. I still love to love and be loved in return. According to D'banj, a renowned Nigerian musician, "Don't get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing, Oshe!" This last photo is for people who still believe in love.

Cheers.....