Saturday 16 November 2013

THE QUEST FOR GREENER PASTURES: AT WHAT COST?

As always, I am filled with joy when my phone beeps and it's a notification that someone just commented on my blog post. So, on this faithful day, I got approximately 2-3 beeps from the same person, someone I now consider a friend, +Tina Webster . She liked a particular post of mine and she dropped a link to one of hers. I checked it out. It was a video on you-tube about how she'd fallen for someone (an African) who used her as a means to obtain a green card. After I watched the video, I became quite upset with Africans especially my countrymen - Nigerians. I marveled at the extent they'd go to get a green card and all for the quest of greener pastures. I am a Nigerian and a proud one too, don't get me wrong. The country however, can be a sad, sorry excuse sometimes.


It's not that I'm unaware that these things exist. It's just I never got to meet a victim of it one on one before now. Until recently it was something that happened to people I didn't know and the stories revolving around them usually suggested that they were very well aware of the terms and conditions of the marriage. Most of the time, the term "contract marriage" was use to describe such happenings implying that both parties consented to the agreement. The men often came back home bragging and intending to marry a Nigerian wife now that they are properly situated abroad. Most of them already have a child or two with the women and back then in my little childish mind I pondered over a few usually unasked questions;
  • Why would these women bother with marrying someone they are well aware would leave them after a set period?
  • Why would they bother with getting pregnant for someone who doesn't love them and raising the child alone or virtually so.
  • Why do these Nigerian men believe that the only means to make a decent living is to travel abroad and end not making a decent living afterall?
  • What was the desperation all about?
I pondered but my question remained unasked and therefore unresolved. I grew up and became a bit wiser than the child. I had a few experiences of my own (proposals) . Some of these men came back, brandishing a child or two on one arm and proposing marriage with the other.



Until i watched the video, I had no idea that they had a choice of select whether or not to pursue and prey on a black or white women. Tina made it clear that her ex-husband always pointed out that he would have preferred a white woman. I afraid to agree that he would have preferred a white woman but he's simply reason is because the average black man feels inferior to even the most inconsequential white. Regardless of their country of origin. This kind of reaction doesn't just happen outside Nigeria, It is very much with us. We often call it the "COLONIAL MENTALITY". You can imagine a situation where we are all on a queue and a group of Chinese men walk in and go straight to the counter and are attended to without delay in the hopes of snagging a few bucks for tips. I call it the "POVERTY MENTALITY". 

The dream of many young girls now is to aspire to get a husband abroad to marry, either a black (Nigerian or African) or white. Anything to get out of the country. They get there, find their footing and abandon the initial target in search for new ones. Sometimes, these young ladies are unlucky, the men marry them, get them pregnant and then proceed to abandoning them in Nigeria sometimes with no means of livelihood. Other times with promises to come back for them when their travel papers get sorted out. As a consequence you find many young married women with children, husbands abroad and haven't been seen or heard from in many years. Some of the women become baby factories and service homes for whenever the man comes into the country.

So guys and gals, men and women, look before you leap. Love is no longer blind. It now has two very bright eyes. Dear Nigerians and Africans, who builds your country while you are all outside it looking for your greener pastures? Remember the grass is not greener on the other side because it was created that way. It is greener because its citizens worked hard at watering it.

Cheers.....

The links to the videos are;
The Green Card Game: I Married an African Physician: http://youtu.be/xUFMyq1fYHg

Some real Stories in Canada: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoyzsFaHk5g





29 comments:

  1. We all should be aware of our own financial situation at home and be aware that poverty stricken countries tug at your heat strings!

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  2. Kay, that was a nice post...keep it up

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  3. Nice article. I am going to share, share, and share. On this Sunday wet damp day the best medicine for me is online. Where did you get that pic of the guy behind the much larger lady? Wow! This was the catchy funny part of your story. Nice job placing your pics within your article. You should be blogging for a living. Check out Everspark Interactive. Although I am not a personal fan of one of the ladies, she knows her stuff and you will learn ALOT. I Did. Again, nice job! Gearing up for the book-Man oh man am i nervous.

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    1. Thank you very much for your enthusiastic response Tina. I got the picture from a friend's display picture on BBM. thought it was just what I need. lol. I'll check everspark out. About the book, don't worry so much. You'll do great. Thanks again.

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  4. When u blog u shd be objective.objectivity deviod of sentiments is d hallmark of a great blogger.its dangerous painting a section of life and treating it as d whole.IN reality 1, they are african,nigeria men legally married to whites and africa american living perfectly fine and stil together till death do them part.2,we have abt 25000 doctors,busi alone in d us and many I knw are married to AA\whites,we have. About 30000 trained nurses all over the US.look at harvard majority of d profesors are nigerians .also across ths uS.I knw many.MY dad is a professor!. NOW we have over 1million nigerians in d US,tell me how many of dis professors,doctors,lawyers,nurses ,engineers do marry for greener pastures??

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    1. First of all, objectivity is good but writing a blog devoid of sentiments doesn't make you a great blogger, it makes you robot.
      Secondly, I'm Nigerian, proud to be one like I stated in the post, I have lived in Nigeria all my life so I have a very good idea what I'm talking about.
      Thirdly, I never mentioned that all Nigerians and Africans leaving home and abroad are fraudulent and marry only for a green card. But these things do happen and people get hurt in the process. There is no need hiding from the truth
      Fourthly, I am a medical doctor okay, so there is no point giving me statistics of doctors.
      Finally, Why would you say many citizens from third world countries leave their homes to almost permanently reside in the more progressive ones? Just a thought.
      Thanks for commenting. I appreciate all kinds of views. Cheers...

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    2. Greetings Mr. Anonymous! Blogs are not statistical reports with raw data, variables, control groups, and chi-squares. There are enough sites citing stats of marriage fraud to fancy you all day long. These are personal stories of sharing to reach every day people who may not be diligent enough to seek all of the Federal and State warnings against Marriage Fraud....The Green Card Game. Therefore we Blog to share content and build links. Blogging began with e-clicks and Google said, 'Oh no..." Relevant, relatable content are the key words to sharing. I don't throw out unverified numbers. However, I can share my personal story. Any reasonable person with marginal intelligence will NOT believe that All Nigerians marry for fraud; All men from Kenya will manipulate. The same reasonable person will not believe that so many women are making up stories about The Green Card Game, Fraudulent Marriages, or the hurt they experienced. So please tell me, what is your real beef? Because you are posting as anonymous I have to take your words with a grain of salt. In my world, the worse post has validity with identity-assuming that it is not fraudulent. I take the high road with people first, but I am wiser thanks to The Green Card Game. So please do not be so quick to dismiss all of the stories-the game is real.

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  5. In continuation ,So I neva said africans don't do such but u re brandin Nigeria by ur post as "lookin for greenr pasture" and dats wrong,do u think a Nigeria nuerosurgeon ,or a gynacologist board certified wudnt be able to get a green card after a number of years?d problem with unobjective post like this is dat it BRANDS a pple and a nation as "..." And stereotype them And in reality that's not true.we have good and bad nigerians,kenyans,americans,germans.U SHDNT allow ur post create a stereotype thereby affectn pples perception and ultimately how they relate to EVERY africa or nigerians

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    1. Mr. Anonymous, your notion that physicians are getting a green pass to the green card is unfortunately very, very misleading. It took my ex-husband 10 years and TRUST ME.....WORK VISAS are NO LONGER handed out like they were 10+ years ago. You need to research this issue ALOT MORE. I lived it for 12 years and I saw constantly, "NO WORK VISAS." In the U.S. INS requires a sponsorship from the employer and this is not easy. It is much, much, much easier for physicians to simply fraudulently marry. I am amazed at the number of Africans living abroad who think that being a physician gives their brothers a leg up on obtaining a green card. I almost with you were right. If you were correct, I honestly believe fewer Africans would bother with the fraudulent marriage....The Green Card Game-this may be apart of the problem. They are truly the few who can pay thousands to an African American woman or take the route of fraudulently marrying her making her feel like a "princess" I did. I felt like a princess, only to learn I was nothing to him. I met another African Physician, whom truly let me know just how Africans feel about African American women compared to white women. Unfortunately, he did not have to tell me, my ex said it enough to my face. Branding people is not the point of this Blog-it is to share and spare other women from men who come to the U.S. looking for greener pastures at any cost. You sound like a person who says, "Don't talk about molestation in the United States, it brands an entire race of men. Mr. Anonymous its called, "warning signs....tips....typology....and the list goes on and on.

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  6. BRAND perception is very important,hw u perceive a brand can go a long way.do u knw if I don't come an defend our BRAND nigeria sme1 reads dis posts and concludes ALL africans,nigerians are for d greener pasture,all are corrupt and that cud even affect many genuine honest God fearing africans,nigerians ability to find jobs,true love and so becos of sme bad nigerians and sme pples experiences.WE ARE NOT THEIFS,GREEN PASTURES SEEKERS,FRAUD STARS we are more than this ...eeewise@hotmail.com

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  7. A true blogger wud approve comments contrary to their opinions and welcome criticism

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    1. Dear anonymous, the earlier you begin to face the fact that Nigeria and many Nigerians have issues, the better for you. Are you a medical doctor? How many Nigerian neurosurgeons do you know in Nigeria? talk of the United States. There are many doctors living and working in the states. Very legitimate ones. Many of my friends are but I can assure you that many of them are GPs. That's besides the point. If you are a hard working Nigerian then this wouldn't piss you off so terribly as I see it has done. You'd know and give suggestions to help solve the problem, not hamper on on my branding Nigeria as bad. Why do you think the United states stopped Nigeria from participating in Visa lottery for now. Or why the British wanted to make a rule that all Nigerians coming into their country would pay £3000 to be collected on their way out of the country? Have we not be given so many labels already? why does this particular article seem to have sent you off?
      Next time before you make a comment like the last one you just made, wait 24hrs and see if you comments haven't been published before you attack. That last comment has made you a typical Nigerian regardless of whether you are one or not. Think before you act.

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    2. Mr. Anonymous, this blog posted your comments. Hence, your criticism is being heard.

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  8. My cousin dr douglas okor is a neurosurgeon in d uk,u can google d name and am aware we don't have many neurosurgeons 2,am an engineer,electrical live and work in texas as an ENGINEER 3,u have lived in nigeria all ur life so wudnt hav d right exposure to knw abt majority of nigeria,ur perception is frm a "lived all ur life in nigeria stand point" and many hav done residency programs in diff speciality,at least my frnds 4,d US stopped nigeria frm participating in d lottery cos they have a quota system we're countries that hav won it over time wud b stopd so other countries wud b evenly represented n d US 5,abt d bond yes dat was cos many nigerians do come on visit visas and don't return 6,yess we hav been given labels BUT U AS A NIGERIAN shdnt join pple like @anncoutler and co cos they hav a single story of wat nigerians re and its u our duty to show them both sides of d coin. Show them a balanced view of Nigeria7,LASTLY ur article didn't get me off,I hav lived long enough to knw "SOME Nigerians do giv us a bad name and do all sort of tins and am an engineer,married, accomplished.been workin for 9 yrs now. BUT my issue is kay UR ARTICLE SHD BE BALANCED,SHD SHOW BOTH SIDES,d good and d bad.#we are rebrandin nigeria and u shd!

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  9. Dr okonjo iweala said,"I dnt like it that anytime they say nigeria u hear of crime and many other thing,but we are much more than that,no nation is devoid of challenges.but that's not d totality of d story of nigeria . Mrs madueke ,petroleum minister said I schoold in d uS and they have their own problems but cos of professional journalism, d media hav been able to potray d country with a balanced perspective. Tina says she will share and share and share and as she shares she expands d circle of pple dat jst sees only d negatives in nigeria BUT WE ARE MORE THAN this.so this article joins others like anncoutler.imagine she sayin University of lagos majors in credit card fraud?but dats wat articles like dis does.

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    1. That I have lived all my life in Nigeria doesn't mean I have been to other parts of the world or that I'm not exposed. The fact that you are in the US does make you exposed either. Your cousin is the few out of thousands of doctors in other parts of the world that are very successful (I'm not going to bother with bragging about relatives abroad like you just did). Appearing on Google search doesn't automatically confer success these days (ask facebook users). Did you say I should listen to Okonjo and Madueke? Really? I lost faith in them after the petroleum subsidy issue. Did you hear the news? the money was embezzled. And what was done about it? absolutely nothing. Should I continue listing? I write the way I see fit. I problems of Nigeria didn't start with my generation probably won't end with mine too and I won't act like they don't exist. I'm right in the middle of the whole chaos. Now before I go to bed (It's late here), what carried you to the Us and made you continue to stay there? Why aren't you back here helping to solve the problem? If you feel like balancing Nigeria out, I advice you start your own blog and start the balancing. You've got loads to say I believe Finally please, please please don't advice me on mentors to pick or who to follow, I have a mind of my own. We are all different people. Thank you.

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    2. *haven't been to other parts of the world

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    3. Mr. Anonymous, did you watch the Canadian video of personal stories from people who were victims of fraudulent marriages? Whether it is Nigerians or any other race of people, The Green Card Game is live and Well. Watch the Canadian video...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoyzsFaHk5g
      Unfortunately, it is my personal belief that more and more men from Africa are coming to The U.S. entering into fraudulent marriages to obtain a Green Card. Please do not minimize the experience of others. You seem to want to hide the truth. No one said its ALL MEN FROM AFRICA. My ex entered the U.S. on an Asylum Claim. He too thought, as a physician he would easily obtain sponsored work visas from hospitals-WRONG! Not so easy. If you are residing in the U.S. I ask are you apart of the group that wants to keep young clue less African American women in the dark about The Green Card Game for the sake of fostering a glorifying perception of your people. Africa has some good people. There are good people here in the U.S. from Africa, but this does not dismiss the number of people fraudulently getting married for greener pastures. I agree with Keren, you should start your own blog-you have much to say. Bless you.

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    4. Oh Mr. Anonymous, I forgot to say, if you start your own blog you may want to drop the Anonymous....Lol

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  10. U shd understand ,u are their eyes and ears on how de wil percieve nigeria,many wud neva come to nigeria .their perception is formed by wat they read and hear abt nigeria.U SHD FOLLOW writers like chiamanda adeche,she always talks about rejecting of a single story abt a pple and all her works seeks to create that balance.SO MY SOLUTION is WRITE balanced articles abt nigeria ,so wen pple read they wil hav dat right perspective of how we are as a pple and a NATION

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  11. Tina as chimaamanda said http://dotsub.com/view/63ef5d28-6607-4fec-b906-aaae6cff7dbe/viewTranscript/eng. is how impressionable and vulnerable we are in the face of a story,I hav watchd all d videos and even seen ur links.u even wrote in bytestories and ontwitter "U DON'T MARRY A NIGERIAN they are not capable of loving.I might hav to drop my pen now.BUT MY BEEF IS u shd tell ur story BUT it shdnt be a "single story" tell them abt africans for d green cards but also successful stories of africans married to whites and AA..now dat forms a balanced story and dats wat accomplished and renowed writers do ,God bless u too TINA lol.#wud soon be leaving here for Good

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    1. Dear Anonymous, all your posts on chimaamanda's story book wasn't published because of the following reasons;
      1) You might succeed in turning this discussion into one of racism
      2) I already informed you not to tell me who to be my mentor or who to follow. I'm no ninny female.
      3) I have the power to moderate comments on my blog. Yours is the 1st I've had to mark as spam and it was only the story book your so judiciously typed.

      If you want to promote your dear friend and mentor, like I suggested earlier, start a blog and do so. Thank you once again for your thoughts and contributions.

      Thank you too Tina for yours. quite interesting.
      Cheers......

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  12. ouch censoring lol....ok I drop my pen and Goodluck to u both.* takes a bow and exits for good

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  13. Great post Kerren, I trust you that you weren't ruffled by the comments of Mr. Anonymous The Nigerian Defender. Chimamanda is my mentor too and she's the strongest voice against the danger of a single story. But her own mentor Chinua Achebe said 'A good writer doesn't just give good feelings with his writing, he gives Headaches!' Chinua Achebe also said 'If you don't like a story write your own'

    So I really care less when people don't like what I write and dismiss them as single stories. Chinua wrote what I consider a single story - There was a country - which almost started inter tribal acrimony between the igbo people and Yoruba in Nigeria. So Mr. Anonymous should read my owwn blog abujacabman.wordpress.com and see quality Nigeria bashing in prose form. Then let him learn that if you truly love Nigeria you don't go around defending her without pointing out her flaws and where she can do better!

    This article has the flaw of being a single story. I think one story of a succesful nigerian-white liaison may have balanced it out. But I know that Nigeria bashing with terms like colonial mentality and poverty mentality doesnt mean we hate Nigeria! Rather we are trying to make our voices heard give some headaches and probably change a few people.

    Tina goodluck on your book. I will follow your blog immediately. I'm working on a book of my own too - Daily Hustles of An Abuja Cab Man. Snippets from the book as it develops are on abujacabman.wordpress.com. It will hopefully be published in 2 years. I can see Kerren has a staunch supporter in you. That's what blogging shuld be - it should be just like social networking. You girls permit me to be the third ring in this budding network of bloggers with Tina, Kerren and the abuja cab man. I hope my comment wasn't too long. Sorry I'm a writer

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    1. Thank you Neo-socialist, for your contribution and understanding. Also for your support.

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  14. Being a good critique means before you put pen to paper or grab a microphone,you must have a good content analysis of the subject. This enables you to understand and identify triggers of your response properly and ultimately engage in a constructive criticism.

    Now, in regards to the text being discussed (Greener Pasture), the blogger displayed a very good sense of value judgement in trying to expose the process or methodology our countrymen employ in their search for the reference subject.

    My question is to my anonymous friend --- Do you and i need Tina Webster to tell her story before you accept it's existence? Secondly, if there is the existence of this kind of treatment and approach, are we suppose to turn the other side and pretend that it does not exist? Well i don't need conscious reasoning to tell what your answers are as you have suggested previously that the writer should align to chimamanda adichie style of writing all in the name of patriotism. That will be the height of hypocrisy.

    Bad things do happen and how we respond to them defines our character and the quality of our personality and if i might borrow the Luther King Jr series he said and i quote "the ultimate tragedy is not the cruelty or the oppression by the bad people but by the silence from the good people". What is bad is bad and we should be proactive about it instead of being mute.

    Besides who says there is no freedom of speech/info. That also goes for you my anonymous fella, that's the reason your opinions have been allowed cus the blogger does not expect a homogenous audience.

    Well keep it up KAYSFITTINGS, it shows your reaching out... ogwuma nwabueze

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    1. Thank you Nwabueze for your comment and thoughts on the subject matter

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