Saturday, 21 September 2013


A few days back, a friend of mine, someone some of you might have read about in my blog post about "an idea" sent me some quotes. Initially I didn't quite get the gist of it because it appeared like a proper Nigerian joke but at the end of it, the name of a very prominent individual was listed. I was trying to understand it when i received more, some shared by some prominent Nigerian comedians. Co-incidentally, I was having a very bad day and these jokes cheered me up. With his permission, I have decided to share them in other to brighten someone else's day. Read and enjoy......

  • "If you cannot pound yam for your man, you do not love him" .....Albert Einstein
  • "A man who bites shaki with his eyes open fears no one" ....Abraham Lincoln
  • "What a child can play with, is his/her mother's breast, not the father's scrotum (blokus)" ...Saddam Hussein
  • The speed with which a man's penis points at the sky must not be the same with which it should take a bow" ... Chinua Achebe
  • "What frightened Alhaji is certain to kill Aboki" ..... Usman Danfodio
  • "Food is ready is not a call to the penniless" .... Donald trump
  • "History shall not pardon a populace who chose to compensate a man without shoes with access to a nation's treasury over a trip to the bata warehouse" .....Wole Soyinka
  • "Alingo (a kind of dance) can not be passed on as a legacy by a father on a wheel chair" ....Tony Blair
  • Cow know the waka wey dey this life, naim make am wear shoe come" .... Martin Luther King jnr (by Bovi)
  • "Uneasy lies the hand that bears the crown" .... Joseph Yobo ( by Julius Agwu)
  • "Na pikin wey him mother dey sell locust bean (iru in yoruba, ogiri in Ibo languages), naim dey know fly wey get one eye" ...... Socrates (by Senator)
  • "You cannot tell an old woman to close her legs because you don't know where she takes fresh air from" ..... Margaret Thatcher (by Okey Bakassy)
  • "Man no fit use annoyance get erection" ..... Hugh Hephner (by Grace Alele Williams)
  • "Instead make e spoil for pot, make e spoil for belle" ..... Nelson Mandela
  • "Cold wey dey blow for bald head no be joke" ..... Wayne Rooney
  • "The scrotum is not used to test the effectiveness of a charm against the cutlass" ..... Cyprian Ekwensi
  • "A journey of a thousand miles begins with pam sandals" .... Mahatma Gandhi
  • "The fact that a kpom (prostitute) has a lover is proof that love cannot be stopped" .... Mother Theresa
  • "Let Obama let me marry him first, if he wants me to accept homosexuality in my country" .... Robert Mugabe
  • "Pickin wey say him mama no go sleep... na to add small valium 5 inside him akamu (pap)" .... Dr 90210 (by Sneeze)
  • "He who puts stew ontop of jollof rice has trust issues" .... Odumegwu Ojukwu (by Chimezie Amaechi)
  • "Pikin wey say him mama no go sleep, na for orphanage dem go put am" (by Ogo Olebu)
  • "If mad man no attempt to sleep with him mama, him family no go give am wife" .... Osama Bin-Laden
  • "Adult wey shower with small pikin must be ready to answer silly questions" .... Michael Jackson
  • "A woman cannot remove her pregnancy simply by coughing" .... Aristotle (by Funnybone)
  • "It is when there is a stampede that the person with big buttocks knows he carries a heavy load" (by Toolz - beat fm)
  • "No matter how much a cow purges, it never assumes the size of a goat" (Obi Asika)
  • Person wey get red eyes no mean say e smoke igbo (weed) .... Fela Kuti (by my humble self)
For my non Nigeria n readers who will find it difficult understanding the local slangs, here's some help
"Wey" means "That"
"Pickin" - "Child"
"Waka - "To walk"
"Shaki" - "A kind of meat"
"Pam" - "Flat"
"Bata" - "A shoe shop"

Feel free to come up with your own quote jokes. You can post it as a comment. Cheers

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