Kays Fittings: JOKES EXTRAORDINAIRE!!!

A few days back, a friend of mine, someone some of you might have read about in my blog post about "an idea" sent me some quotes. Initially I didn't quite get the gist of it because it appeared like a proper Nigerian joke but at the end of it, the name of a very prominent individual was listed. I was trying to understand it when i received more, some shared by some prominent Nigerian comedians. Co-incidentally, I was having a very bad day and these jokes cheered me up. With his permission, I have decided to share them in other to brighten someone else's day. Read and enjoy......

"If you cannot pound yam for your man, you do not love him" .....Albert Einstein
"A man who bites shaki with his eyes open fears no one" ....Abraham Lincoln
"What a child can play with, is his/her mother's breast, not the father's scrotum (blokus)" ...Saddam Hussein
The speed with which a man's penis points at the sky must not be the same with which it should take a bow" ... Chinua Achebe
"What frightened Alhaji is certain to kill Aboki" ..... Usman Danfodio
"Food is ready is not a call to the penniless" .... Donald trump
"History shall not pardon a populace who chose to compensate a man without shoes with access to a nation's treasury over a trip to the bata warehouse" .....Wole Soyinka
"Alingo (a kind of dance) can not be passed on as a legacy by a father on a wheel chair" ....Tony Blair
Cow know the waka wey dey this life, naim make am wear shoe come" .... Martin Luther King jnr (by Bovi)
"Uneasy lies the hand that bears the crown" .... Joseph Yobo ( by Julius Agwu)
"Na pikin wey him mother dey sell locust bean (iru in yoruba, ogiri in Ibo languages), naim dey know fly wey get one eye" ...... Socrates (by Senator)
"You cannot tell an old woman to close her legs because you don't know where she takes fresh air from" ..... Margaret Thatcher (by Okey Bakassy)
"Man no fit use annoyance get erection" ..... Hugh Hephner (by Grace Alele Williams)
"Instead make e spoil for pot, make e spoil for belle" ..... Nelson Mandela
"Cold wey dey blow for bald head no be joke" ..... Wayne Rooney
"The scrotum is not used to test the effectiveness of a charm against the cutlass" ..... Cyprian Ekwensi
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with pam sandals" .... Mahatma Gandhi
"The fact that a kpom (prostitute) has a lover is proof that love cannot be stopped" .... Mother Theresa
"Let Obama let me marry him first, if he wants me to accept homosexuality in my country" .... Robert Mugabe
"Pickin wey say him mama no go sleep... na to add small valium 5 inside him akamu (pap)" .... Dr 90210 (by Sneeze)
"He who puts stew ontop of jollof rice has trust issues" .... Odumegwu Ojukwu (by Chimezie Amaechi)
"Pikin wey say him mama no go sleep, na for orphanage dem go put am" (by Ogo Olebu)
"If mad man no attempt to sleep with him mama, him family no go give am wife" .... Osama Bin-Laden
"Adult wey shower with small pikin must be ready to answer silly questions" .... Michael Jackson
"A woman cannot remove her pregnancy simply by coughing" .... Aristotle (by Funnybone)
"It is when there is a stampede that the person with big buttocks knows he carries a heavy load" (by Toolz - beat fm)
"No matter how much a cow purges, it never assumes the size of a goat" (Obi Asika)
Person wey get red eyes no mean say e smoke igbo (weed) .... Fela Kuti (by my humble self)